Obituary for Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved friend: Common Sense. He lived a long life but died from a broken heart (technically: cardiac arrest). No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He selflessly devoted his life to service in homes, schools, businesses — and yes, even in the government — helping folks have rewarding lives, and getting jobs done while minimizing fanfare and foolishness.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valued lessons as to know when to come in from the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, that life isn’t always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple and sound financial policies: Don’t spend more than you earn, Waste not want not, A penny saved is a penny earned, and so forth.
Mr. Sense was a tireless advocate for what used to be (in the old days) sage advice, like: Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it, Two wrongs don’t make a right, and Actions speak louder than words.
He was also big on promoting effective parenting strategies like: the adults are in charge (not the kids), and the three R’s (Responsibility, Respect, and Resourcefulness) are the most important lessons to be taught children.
In his day Little League actually had tryouts, and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that! Some students weren’t as smart as others, so they received poor grades. Horrors! And the idea of a parent bailing him out if he broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
Common Sense survived such cultural and educational trends as body piercing, new math and instant messaging. For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held little impact on him. But his health started to decline when he became infected with the wide-spread Do anything, just for the sake of doing something virus. And in later years his subsequently compromised immune system proved no match for the ravages of rampant irrational regulations.
For instance, his health rapidly deteriorated when schools implemented and then mindlessly administered numerous zero tolerance policies: a six year old boy was charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teenager was suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student.
It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a female student, but could not inform a parent when the same student was pregnant or wanted an abortion. And to make sure that they were part of the problem, parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
Common Sense started losing the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than their victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional sports.
Common Sense took a beating when he couldn’t defend himself from a burglar in his own home, as the burglar could have sued him for assault.
Then there was a woman who couldn’t grasp the concept that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, and was awarded a huge settlement for her own careless small spill on her lap. And smokers who indulged in three packs a day for 40 years, surprisingly got lung cancer, and then sued the tobacco company. Hearing these and similar other sad stories caused Common Sense severe distress.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of consciousness, but was inadvisably kept informed of new irrational energy related regulations, like Renewable Portfolio Standards. When he was subsequently informed that “environmental” organizations like the Sierra Club were behind this profound pillaging of the environment Common Sense died of sudden cardiac arrest.
Mr. Sense was preceded in death by his parents: Truth and Trust, his wife: Discretion, his daughter: Responsibility; and his two sons: Diligence and Reason.
He is survived by three stepbrothers: Whatsinit Forme, Iknow Myrights, and Ima Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he had departed. It wasn’t covered by the media, no doubt due to their guilt about their complacency in bringing about his demise.
If you still remember Common Sense, please pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. (Maybe, like Mark Twain, we’ll be lucky enough to find that the reports of his death were greatly exaggerated.)